A couple of years ago, when I was promoting a book on Yukio Mishima, I was interviewed in London by a Japanese journalist who suddenly asked me whether I too had a Japanese wife. I have no particular problem with the combination of Japanese girls and Western men — and yet long ago I found myself living in Japan and never dating Japanese women. And yet pursuing a relationship with someone from another East Asian country was never really an option — I was too devoted to my studies in Japan to have time for another major cultural commitment. I found that the nationality of the girl I was dating greatly affected my mental mood and how I thought about things. Is the fact that I have rejected such a union a sign I crave liberated Western women — even the extreme, ballsy Australian variety — over retiring Japanese girls? My Australian alliance is not a rejection of Japan; rather, it is that which daily enables me to devote much of my energy, without flagging or a feeling of oppression, towards Japan. There were several reasons why I started losing interest in dating Japanese women, but the main one was my deepening involvement with Japanese culture. But actually I am going to argue the reverse:
Feminists understandably tut and roll their eyes at the depiction of Japanese women as passive and obedient sirens of sexuality, and occasionally cite the combination of Japanese women and Western men as a classic example of conservative gender roles and cultural stereotyping. There were several reasons why I started losing interest in dating Japanese women, but the main one was my deepening involvement with Japanese culture. In my Australian partner, I have connected to worlds I would have never otherwise have known, of school years in the beating heat and sun-burned earth of provincial New South Wales. Somewhere in the cultural differences between Japan and the West I felt that I could define my own personal sense of self. The New World girlfriend, I concluded, was the perfect match for me. A sizable part of her appeal — her openness, fun, lack of airs and inhibitions — lies in the Australian inside her calling out to me. But actually I am going to argue the reverse: Let me take you back to the beginning, though, when in my mids I came to study and live in Japan as a graduate student. Like so many other Western men in Japan, I soon discovered that at the age of 25 I was dating a drop-dead gorgeous Japanese girl of such loveliness that I had to pinch myself to believe she could be interested in my shabbily dressed self. I realize you can find everything in Japanese womanhood, from power-dressing politicians and brilliant authors to tech entrepreneurs. I was spending all week in university libraries, taxing my brain, reading Japanese books. I found that the nationality of the girl I was dating greatly affected my mental mood and how I thought about things. When I told him that my significant other was Australian, he laughed at my eccentricity and remarked that in his experience, 90 percent of Western male scholars of Japan, when they had a wife, tended to have a Japanese one. By then I felt quite comfortable — indeed, slightly bored — in an exclusively Japanese world. And while having many years ago retired from dating Japanese women, my love affair with Japan grows stronger every year. And yet, crucially also, this is a relationship that allows me to pursue, without distraction, a great passion of my life: I can appreciate the year-old zeitgeist of the Summer of Love, although Woodstock happened before I was born. And there were so many of them! Send your views on cross-cultural dating in Japan — and any other comments or Community story ideas — to community japantimes. Indeed, the overwhelming attraction of Western men to Japanese women has over the past 50 years been much commented on. Is the fact that I have rejected such a union a sign I crave liberated Western women — even the extreme, ballsy Australian variety — over retiring Japanese girls? I was, I liked to tell myself, a citizen of the world, not a slave and spokesman of Japanese culture. But I, in contrast, was always keen to remain firmly established in Japan. Such women are often adventurous, and it is that which can make them exceptionally attractive. I admire the grace and beauty of Japanese women and am more than aware of their considerable diversity, from demure kimono-clad Kyoto ladies to the unfettered, boisterous personalities so associated with Osaka. On the other hand, when I returned to the U.
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